not counting sheeps

My heart is beating faster, if you know how I hate exercise, then you will know this is not because I just had a cardio workout.

I can’t sleep either.

And I’m wondering if I’m having an episode of the wedding  jitters.

I blame it on sleepless nights like this one, when my mind can’t help running amok, dashing through a thousand scenarios of What Ifs, of what can happen or won’t happen. I’m concerned that we still have not managed to secure a pastor. Please God, let me have one. I worry about guests not having enough fun, by ‘guests’ I really only meant our closest friends and family members and so this worry is really real and important to me.

And there are the logistics to think about. I really need to talk to my wedding planner.

The logical side of me is telling me “que sera sera”, I can’t really help it if things do go wrong, can I? And then I think, my jitters aren’t even half as severe as most brides’, which probably is unwittingly an open invitation for disaster – I know how behind I am in all these planning.

Before now, I had hoped that switching on the lappie, glaring into harsh light of the monitor and trying to make out the characters on my charcoal keyboard in the midst of darkness will at least tire my eyes out, which will in turn invite the Z monster. Well, I know now for a fact that this method doesn’t work! Next time I will just let my sprinter thoughts waste their muscles to somnolence.

Alas, you have to read through this… thing with no conclusion, I feel bad. So here goes, a series of pictures from our trial photoshoot. I think these describe our relationship perfectly.


4 thoughts on “not counting sheeps

  1. Lovely photos! =))

    Hmm. The only thought I have after reading yours is this: When I was younger, I very much wanted to be on stage performing. When the day came, my first concert performance, the moment just before I was about to go on stage for the first time in my life, I froze. A million things that could go wrong ran through my head. At that precise moment, I wanted to back out. To run away, turn my back on the one thing that I ever wanted most.

    But I didn’t. I took a deep breath, composed myself and went on stage. And as they say, the rest is history =)

  2. Love the photos — especially the last one!

    I hope you are able to get some sleep. And you’re right – some things are definitely out of your control, so no need to worry about those things. I know, I know. Easier said than done. :c)

  3. Tze: I freeze on a regular basis so much so that literally, I don’t know what to think of them. Our minds may go blank sometimes but thankfully, being rigidly creatures of habits, our body just carry through the tasks even when the brain is acting crazy and sending out all the negativity. I wish I have your dogged passion though.

    Scribbling Candy: Thank you very much for that understanding! I’m not a worry-wort and I think it’s really important to close one eye sometimes, let the inevitables happen and stop trying so darn hard to correct them. I just get whelmed up sometimes by things I wanna do but lack the means/time/brain power for them.

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